Islamic Etiquettes of Giving and Receiving Advice (Nasihah)

In Islam, giving and receiving advice (nasihah) is a sacred duty. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said:
“Religion is sincere advice (nasihah).” The people asked, “To whom?” He replied, “To Allah, His Book, His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk.” (Sahih Muslim)

This hadith emphasizes that nasihah is an essential part of faith. However, giving and receiving advice in Islam must be guided by hikmah (wisdom), empathy, and sincere intentions. When done correctly, advice can transform relationships, communities, and personal lives, drawing us closer to Allah (SWT). This blog post explores the Islamic etiquettes of nasihah and provides practical tips on offering and accepting advice gracefully.

The Importance of Giving Nasihah with Hikmah (Wisdom)

Islamic advice is not just about correcting others—it is an act of love and concern for one’s spiritual well-being. Allah commands:
“Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom (hikmah) and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best.” (Qur’an 16:125)

Hikmah ensures that advice is given at the right time, in the right way, and in a manner that suits the person’s situation. Wisdom involves:

• Understanding context: Not every piece of advice needs to be given immediately or publicly.
• Knowing the person: Tailor the way you speak based on the recipient’s personality and current state.
• Choosing gentle words: The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “There is no kindness in a thing except that it makes it beautiful.” (Muslim)

Example: If someone misses salah due to a heavy workload, gently reminding them of the peace prayer brings is more effective than scolding them for negligence.

In my experience, advice given with empathy and understanding has always had a more profound impact than criticism. People respond better when they feel cared for rather than judged.

Etiquettes of Giving Nasihah (Advice)

1. Sincerity of Intention

The primary etiquette of nasihah is to purify your intention. Your advice should aim to help the other person for the sake of Allah, not to display superiority or shame them.

Tip: Before offering advice, make a silent du’a: “O Allah, guide my words and make them a means of benefit.”

2. Advise Privately

Public advice can feel humiliating and may make the recipient defensive. The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
“Whoever advises his brother in private has truly given him sincere advice, but whoever advises him publicly has humiliated him.” (Al-Munawi)

Example: If you notice a friend engaging in backbiting, address it gently in private, away from others.

3. Use Gentle Speech

Even when correcting mistakes, maintain kindness and avoid harshness. Allah instructed Musa (AS) and Harun (AS) to speak softly to Pharaoh, one of the most arrogant people:
“Speak to him mildly, perhaps he may take heed or fear [Allah].” (Qur’an 20:44)

4. Be Specific and Constructive

Vague criticism can leave the recipient confused. Offer specific and actionable advice that helps them improve.

Example: Instead of saying, “You’re not very religious,” try: “I think it might benefit you to try praying Fajr earlier—it really sets a good tone for the day.”

5. Timing Matters

Choose a time when the person is likely to be receptive. Offering advice when someone is angry, stressed, or preoccupied may not yield positive results.

RELATED: How to Find Balance Between Dunya (World) and Deen (Faith)

Etiquettes of Receiving Nasihah (Advice)

Just as it is important to give advice wisely, receiving advice with humility is also a part of faith.

1. Receive Advice with an Open Heart

Even if the advice comes from someone younger or less experienced, listen attentively. The Qur’an reminds us:
“And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers.” (Qur’an 51:55)

Early in my journey, I struggled with accepting advice, especially from peers. But over time, I realized that sincere advice, even if imperfect, is a gift from Allah (SWT).

2. Don’t Take It Personally

Nasihah is about improving your relationship with Allah. Instead of focusing on how the advice was delivered, try to focus on the content.

Tip: When receiving advice, silently ask yourself: “What part of this can I use to grow closer to Allah?”

3. Thank the Advisor

Appreciate the effort someone makes to offer advice, even if you don’t fully agree with it. Acknowledging their concern maintains mutual respect and encourages future sincere interactions.

Example: “JazakAllahu Khairan for your reminder. I’ll reflect on what you’ve said.”

4. Reflect Before Responding

Take time to evaluate the advice and how it aligns with your values and circumstances. Avoid reacting defensively or dismissively. Sometimes, advice makes more sense after careful reflection.

Balancing Nasihah with Patience and Respect

Sometimes, giving or receiving advice may not lead to immediate changes. It is essential to practice patience and respect the pace at which others grow.

• For Advisors: Understand that change takes time. Don’t get frustrated if your advice isn’t followed immediately. Make du’a for the person.
• For Recipients: Remember that not every piece of advice will be relevant to your situation, and that’s okay. Thank the person and reflect without feeling pressured.

I’ve learned that patience and sincere dua are often more effective than repeated reminders. Sometimes, people need time to act on advice, and that’s part of their personal journey.

Common Mistakes to Avoid in Giving and Receiving Advice

1. Avoid Harsh Criticism

Criticism disguised as advice can push people away rather than inspire change.

2. Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Advice is meant to guide, not control. It’s important to give space for others to grow at their own pace.

3. Avoid Giving Advice When Unsolicited

Sometimes, unsolicited advice can feel overwhelming. Ask permission before offering nasihah:
“I noticed something—would it be okay if I shared my thoughts with you?”

Conclusion: Nasihah as a Gift and a Trust

In Islam, advice is both a gift and a trust. When given with sincerity, wisdom, and compassion, it strengthens relationships and helps individuals grow spiritually. Whether you’re offering or receiving advice, always approach nasihah with humility and sincerity, keeping Allah (SWT) at the center of your intentions.

The balance between dunya and deen often lies in how well we give and receive advice. With nasihah, we create communities that nurture faith, foster personal growth, and inspire each other towards righteousness.

May Allah (SWT) grant us the wisdom to give and receive advice with sincerity, patience, and love. Ameen.